Lately I’m realising most of my doing is not conscious. I speak and I surprise myself. I look back and I’m surprised by my actions.

Things that I didn’t know I knew. Strengths that I didn’t know I had. Emotions that I didn’t think I felt.

All becomes clear when I look back. But while I’m in that moment or phase, it’s never clear to me. As if I’m not aware. Of what I have in my disposal. I’m not aware. Of my place in time. There’s no relativity. Time and experience are not in sync.

Life events only make sense when you put them on a timeline. They only make sense, when we can see the events before and after to make sense of what was. Without that relation, most things feel out of place. Random to our mind. Hard to grasp.

But once you get a bit of distance, when some time passes by, you gain perspective. Only then you can reflect on what was.

Perspective takes time to gain. It’s like living life without proper glasses. Our vision is too nearsighted. We only see what’s close to us. We can’t see far. So we are not really sure where we are. In this life. In this world. As things happen. We don’t how know to relate to it sometimes. If it’s not all the time. It’s probably most of the time. And that’s an odd way to live life.

I guess that’s the way of life - daily reminders of how little we know of this life that we “own”. I guess that’s what faith is - believing that sometimes, when things happen to us, they happen for us. That we should just carry on, and hope for it to one day make sense. As it often does. It just takes time for us to gain perspective to understand.

Have faith to believe. Believe to trust. Trust to hope. Hope to be aware enough to understand when the time comes.

But is it faith?
Or is it just my unconsciousness?

I feel like my unconsciousness knows more. About me. About life. About the future. About my place in it all.

I feel like I’m being lead by my unconsciousness. My conscious mind is just the puppet to my unconscious mind. Even thinking about this hurts my dumb mind.

There has been so many pivoting decisions that I’ve made in my life, without a slightest consideration. Without even spending a minute researching or weighting my options. I just knew. Instantly. What was right. It just felt right. As if there were no other options. No decisions to be made. It was just obvious. And I could never explain the why. I didn’t have the reason for it. It just came from within.

Now that place I used call within, is becoming a bit more clearer. The fog is clearing out. I recognise its presence. That spirit I used to point to, in the middle of my chest, is actually above. It lives in my head. It’s my unconsciousness.

Or maybe, unconsciousness is not only in our head. Maybe it’s connected to the intelligence within our body. The intelligence that runs all this life that is happening within us, without our knowing. As if it runs its own life. In its own world.

Or maybe the emotional intelligence is part of it too. Maybe the unconsciousness is the link between them all. The cognitive intelligence, the emotional intelligence and the digestive intelligence. Maybe it runs them all?

It makes me wonder the purpose of it all. This compass to life that somehow got locked behind the doors of our conscious mind. Our current awareness.

I wonder, how much do we already know.
How do we find out?

Sometimes I like to think that the answer to that question could be very simple. Because to me, it seems that we are already accessing our unconscious mind when we sometimes speak with others. Sometimes we say things we didn’t know we knew. Specially when people ask us questions and answers just intuitively flow out of us. Answers that are new to us. Sometimes we align with the source. That’s probably a better name for it. So let’s call our unconscious mind, the source.

So how do we communicate with the source?

Maybe we prompt it?
Maybe we treat it as an internal Chat GPT. And just chat with it. Maybe that’s all it takes. We never prompt it to tell us things we think we don’t know.

Worth a try.
I’ve been slowly trying this. When I feel a certain way, or think about a certain challenge, instead of doing what I used to do, speaking to others about it, I write it down to myself first.

I start a new chat. With myself.
To see what the source says.

I tap on the note app, and begin writing all that is on my mind to see what’s there. Then I write questions to clarify the gaps. And I keep questioning every answer that comes to reach the understanding I was seeking.

What I write next to each of those questions are answers I thought I didn’t know. And as I write more, the more I learn. About myself. About my life. And my place in it all. I learn about the purpose of my presence. And my appreciation for it all flows from there.

I write to reflect.
I write to understand.
I write to gain perspective.
I write to get clarity on time.
I write to understand my place in time.
I write to feel my relation to it all.
I write to become free.
I write to become me.

And just like that, my next step is becoming clear.
Give it a try.

Write what you don’t know. Write what bothers you. Write how you feel. Write what you want. Write what you need.

Then ask.
Ask to find out.

The art is in knowing the right questions to ask. Practice is your tool. Do it as often as you can. To connect with your source. To align with yourself.

Ask and you shall find out.