June 17, 2023

I am the source.

Lately life has been feeling like wandering through a foggy maze. Some turns remind me of my past, others make me think of my future.

Lately I've been just wandering around my mind. Reviewing my past, to make sense of what happened then. Imagining my future, to build hope for my next steps.

I've known for a bit now that I'm not processing emotions in real-time. I'm not in-sync with life. What I feel now, is what I ignored to feel months ago. There's a bit of delay you see.

I'm learning how to process emotions as they arise. I'm building a new relationship with myself to better understand why I feel what I feel.

A step towards progress compared to my habits in the past. I used to put all my focus on others to deeply understand their wants and needs. Knowing what makes them and breaks them handed me their cheat code. And I used it to make them feel better. And challenged the parts in their self-image that felt weak to break through and live a full life.

In other words, I turned myself into a black box. Labeled myself with "hard to figure out". And made everyone else easy to read. I thought if I help to solve them, maybe they can help to solve me.

And that's the source of my discontent.
To not make myself my own project.

Emotions are informations. And I learned to ignore them from a very young age to seem mature. To seem always in control, always calm. And as a result, I was always numb.

Now I'm learning.

Emotions are informations. I repeat this in my mind every time I feel different. I only know baseline. How I always feel. Anything slightly above or below my baseline, I read it as a sign to return to what I always feel. Almost numb. To feel stable.

Emotions are informations. I know this now. But what's the information? How can I analyse them to understand the messages they carry? Is there a process?

Lately I think life is just meant to be lived by being. Without doing. To watch time pass by. To observe. To feel alive.

I think that's the process.
To take time. To be. To feel. To understand.

It's not to take pause from doing. It's learning "doing" is sometimes taking pause from "being". Specially if your "doing" is not aligned with your "being". Your purpose.

This line of thought has gotten me to a new understanding of what OpenPurpose can become. My next step has just become clearer. How to Open Source the agency model. To become a service company. To serve both talents and clients. In a way that they both grow. Open Ownership through OpenPurpose. Hope to share the first iteration of this idea next week as an experiment.

Until then, I put together OFC's first handbook to release publicly. 10 steps I wish I knew before I started. I hope you find it helpful. And if you have any questions or just want to chat, DM me. I'm always free.